


A Hopeful Danse

by Ispell2



Category: Fallout - Fandom, Fallout 4
Genre: Adoption, Babies, Brotherhood of Steel - Freeform, Dad!Danse, Dark, F/M, Graphic Description, Kids, Parents, and before that, be prepared for a dead pregnant chick, but it's okay after that, just uh, seriously shit gets dark in the second chapter
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-10
Updated: 2017-11-27
Packaged: 2018-08-20 12:58:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8249954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ispell2/pseuds/Ispell2
Summary: Haylen sets out to find Paladin River, who's gone AWOL. Things haven't been good between the two of them since River executed Danse and took over his role in the BoS, but because she's the closest friend River had in the BoS, Maxson sends her to find her thinking Haylen would have better luck. Haylen finds River alright--along with the presumed dead Danse--and someone else, too.(Disturbing scene in Chapter 2, be prepared for a dead pregnant chick + her husband, courtesy of Super Mutants. It's okay before and after that, and I'll put bracket warnings around the paragraph or paragraphs in question!)





	1. Lost and Found

Scribe Haylen adjusted the straps of her field kit as she trekked over the top of the rickety wooden bridge. She breathed a sigh of relief when saw the sign up close, impressively well maintained-'Sanctuary-Population 27'. It was a little surprising how fast River was turning this refugee settlement into a structured city. Then again, it was a little surprising that no one had seen or heard from River for two weeks.

No one expected the Brotherhood's prized Paladin in the Commonwealth to go AWOL. The first week she had checked in once over radio. The second week however had come and gone without so much of as a sighting of a redhead in Brotherhood power armor, and that was simply not acceptable.

River was a private woman. She didn't really fraternize with many of her Brothers and Sisters, save a handful she used as her go-to squad. Haylen was just about the only person she ever shared anything personal with. That's why Maxson sent her to locate River.

Unbeknownst to Maxson, Haylen and River weren't exactly on good terms. Not since Danse. Not since River killed him in cold blood.

When Haylen heard about Danse's death, she cornered River on the Rec Deck aboard the Prydwen. She tore her a new one, crying and almost shaking with rage and sorrow at the loss of her friend. How _could_ she? How _could_ River just murder the man who stuck his neck out for her, taught her _everything_ she knew? Even now she felt her stomach rise at the thought of seeing River. She didn't know if she was alive or dead-and frankly? As bad as it made her feel for thinking it, she didn't care either way. She was to locate River, and if found alive bring her back to the Prydwen for a reprimand. There was just about no situation where River was getting out of this without some sort of serious consequence, and the thought of her getting some form of punishment-though not for the murder of Danse-gave her a small amount of satisfaction.

The long asphalt road was obstructed by a huge wooden gate, with an angry looking woman standing at the top.

" **You**. You here for trade, or looking for a place to make a life?", she barked as she stared down at Haylen.

" _Actually_ , I-"

"Because, it looks to me like you've got a lot of stuff in your pack there. And that laser on your hip looks like it means business. So I'm going to give you one chance to tell the truth about why you're here; **_Do you mean this settlement or it's people harm_**?!", the glowering woman interrupted.

" _Marcy_ we _talked_ about this!", a southern accent piped up from behind the gate, out of view.

"You said I should watch out for anyone suspicious, Sturges! And _she_ looks _suspicious_."

"Yeah, and I'm starting to regret saying that. _Everyone_ looks suspicious to you! Now make room, I'm comin' up!"

Marcy grumbled and shuffled to the side of the guard post, allowing the overall-and-grease bedecked Sturges to climb up and see what the commotion was about.

Once he caught sight of Haylen's uniform he turned to look at Marcy with disbelief.

" _Maarcy..._ She's _not_ a threat! She's with the Brotherhood! Field Scribe from the looks of her. Ain'cha?", Sturges called down to Haylen.

"That's right."

Sturges patted Marcy on the shoulder.

"Let 'er in Marcy. It's okay"

Marcy reluctantly opened the gates and Haylen strode into the busy little village. Traders' booths were open and attended, and to the left there was a large section cut off for farming. They certainly had begun to make a real home out of the place.

"Now, Ma'am, what does the Brotherhood want with our little homestead here?", Sturges said with a friendly smile, clapping his hands together.

"Actually, I'm here looking for someone. A woman. Her name's River? She's hard to miss, she's usually in a suit of Brotherhood power armor and-", Haylen began.

Sturges held up a hand and nodded.

"Yeah, we know River. This whole damn settlement's set up so well because of that girl. Why you lookin' for her anyway?"

"She's gone AWOL. She hasn't made contact in a week. I was sent to look for her", Haylen explained.

"AWOL? What do you mean? I know for a fact she sent some scrawny lookin' guy out with a holotape towards the Airport not a week ago!"

"She-she did?"

"Yep. Guy came through here lookin' for work, River was in town buyin' supplies and set him up with a job. He never got there?"

"No."

"Damn. Poor guy must've gotten lost... Ah hell, more than likely worse than lost. Well, I can assure you that River's fine. She's not runnin' out on the Brotherhood or anythin', she's just ah... got her hands full right now. She can't really be runnin' around soldierin'."

Haylen lifted a brow.

"What do you mean?", she asked in a deep voice.

Sturges hesitated.

"You know what? You'd better see for yourself. You know the Red Rocket you passed on the way here? That big shack set up off to the side? She and hers live there", he answered, pointing off in the distance at the gas station.

Haylen looked towards it, her interest piqued.

"Oh! And, uh... Since yer goin' that way in the first place... Do you think you could drop this off with 'er?", Sturges asked as he held out a bundle.

Haylen silently took it from him and shifted the insides. It was a bunch of small plastic cylinders, wrapped up inside a pair of soft blankets.

She thanked Sturges and headed off, the gate closing behind her.

What the hell was going on?

* * *

When Haylen finally made it to the Red Rocket, it was quiet. A little red dog house sat outside by the stilts of the shack, and a sleek German Shepard dozed in it, his big black nose shining in the afternoon sun. As she approached the front door, the dog awoke and sat up alert, panting at the sight of her. Haylen had met this dog before.

And he seemed to recognize her, too.

He padded up to her and barked, and she knelt down in front of him, rubbing his head and making his ears flop from side to side.

"Hey, Dogmeat. Long time, no see buddy", she said with a reminiscent voice.

He whined when she stood back up and took a deep breath, readying herself walk up those stairs and knock on that door.

When moved towards it, Dogmeat ran in circles around her, barking loudly and wagging his tail excitedly.

"No, Dogmeat, be quiet!", Haylen begged the bouncing dog.

She wanted this moment to be serious, and having a dog give away the surprise was not part of the scene that had played out in her head.

She was still shushing Dogmeat when the door pulled open.

River stood at the top of the stairs with a gun aimed at Haylen's face, a steely expression on her own.

It melted away in surprise as she realized who it was on her doorstep.

"H-Haylen?!", she sputtered.

"Good to see you're okay... Now come with me", Haylen said bitterly.

"What? No! What the hell are you _doing_ here?!"

"Well, you see River; when you don't check in with anyone in the Brotherhood for two weeks, it tends to make folks angry."

"What are you talking about? I sent a holotape explaining everything a _week_ ago!"

"That's what Sturges said. And I'm here to tell you; it didn't reach us. So let's go. Get a move on. Maxson's pretty pissed."

River set the gun in her hand on a cabinet by the door, and leaned against the doorframe.

"See... That's where we've got a problem. I'd go, but I _can't_ go. Which, the holotape _would have_ explained..."

"Yeah, Sturges gave me this to give you", Haylen said, tossing the bundle to her.

River caught it and put it under her arm.

"Thanks. But yeah. I can't go."

"Why the hell _not_? What's going on River?", Haylen asked angrily.

River open her mouth slightly, trying to think carefully and concisely about what to say next.

A sudden shrill crying answered Haylen instead.

Haylen's eyes darted from River to the inside of the house beyond her in disbelief.

" _Oooh no_. No fucking _way",_ Haylen said with wide eyes.

River tried to block the door.

" _River. River what the hell is going on_?!", Haylen said, walking up the steps.

"Haylen, you can't come in. You know why I can't come back to the Prydwen, and honestly? It's going to be a few months before I can. Tell Maxson I need Maternity leave or whatever, and just _go_."

"No, uh-uh. I'm not gonna believe it until I _see_ it."

River shifted her legs.

"Fine. Stay here and I'll go get her", River finally agreed.

She let go of the door frame and turned around. Haylen pushed past her and made a beeline for the sound.

"Haylen, stop! You can't go back there, _stop_!", River shouted, making a grab for Haylen.

But it was too late.

Haylen stood in the back room, her hands over her mouth.

River resigned herself to the events, and calmly closed the front door, walking carefully towards the back room.

Sitting on a couch, slack-jawed and not sure what to say, was Danse-holding a crying baby swaddled in blankets.

River pulled a chair from the front room behind her and let go of it a few feet in front of the couch, plopping herself down beside Danse. She gestured to the chair and Danse handed River the shrieking bundle.

"Okay. You obviously are going to have a lot of questions, but this is going to take more than a few minutes to explain, and I have a hungry baby here, so... Sit", River said quietly.

Haylen obeyed, silent. She placed her hands in between her knees, trying to process what was happening.

Danse was clearly unsure of what to say himself, his hands sitting atop his knees in fists and a blank look on his face. He wasn't looking up at Haylen. He couldn't meet her shocked gaze.

Haylen's eyes started to prickle, and brimmed with tears.

"What...", her voice broke, looking back to River, who had unbuttoned her shirt and began nursing the baby.

Silence stayed thick in the air for what felt like eternity. The anticipation of an answer sat painfully on Haylen's shoulders, pins and needles pressing into her back from the heavy weight of it all.

"I refused", she said finally, matter-of-factually.

"But you... And Maxson said...", Haylen squeaked.

"We convinced him. By the grace of God,we convinced him to let him go. Haylen, I was _never_ going to kill him. I went there with every intention of helping Danse get the hell out of here, out of the Commonwealth! I didn't know what I was going to tell Maxson, but there was absolutely _no fucking_ _way_ that I was going to kill Danse!", River said, raising her voice.

She was clearly getting worked up, and choked a little at the last three words. Danse put a hand on her back.

Haylen looked to Danse now, squinting at him in confusion.

"But why are you...?"

Danse finally looked up at her with a tensity about him, and shifted a quick glance at River.

"Haylen...", he spoke finally.

Haylen took a sharp breath at that one single word. It really _was_ Danse. His voice... His face... _Him_.

"Things... Happened after that encounter with Maxson. I was banished from the Brotherhood and pronounced dead, for starters, but... Well, things happened between _us_ , too...", he said, gesturing between himself and River.

"He was supposed to leave the Commonwealth, but... Decided against it, I guess. Pretty much every time I'm away from the Brotherhood, or doing something for the people of the Commonwealth, I do it with him. We uh... We live here. We built it together", River continued as Danse trailed off.

"It goes without saying-I hope-that you _**can't tell Maxson about this**_! Or-or rather, you can't tell Maxson that _Danse_ is _here_. You, uh... You obviously need to tell him about Hope", River quickly added.

" _Yeah_...", Haylen laughed nervously.

"Hope... That's a nice name. Um, one question though; _where did you get a baby_?!", she asked with an anxious little twitch.

River cradled Hope close, and she and Danse exchanged a pained look.

"That's where things get dark, Haylen. Really, really fucking dark."


	2. The Origin of Hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Danse and River have a baby. Where the hell did they get a baby from? The answer isn't pretty.

"Two weeks ago I got asked by an old friend to clean up a Mutie nest. I figured that the Brotherhood didn't really need to know about it-I could put in a report about it once it was done and that would be that. And, I figured that Danse would appreciate something to do", River started with a smile.

"I help out in Sanctuary. I don't just sit around here all day", Danse added quickly.

He didn't want Haylen to think he'd grown lazy.

River looked to him incredulously.

" _Help out_? I'd say you do a little more than just _help out_..."

"Well I don't spend the whole day there. Little Hope here seems to have grown quite attached to me. If I'm gone for more than an hour at a time, she'll start crying and won't stop until I hold her...", he explained.

"That big gate? He and Sturges built that in two days. The three bigger houses in town? He and Sturges-with a little help from Jun-patched those up and made them almost _watertight_. Don't sell yourself short, you've helped found that town as much as I or Sturges or Preston have", River scolded playfully.

"As for _this_ one, you know exactly why she's so attached to you...", River cooed, disturbing Haylen a little.

She wasn't used to seeing River act so tenderly.

"Don't say it. Please", Danse insisted.

"Aw, why not? I've heard you say it to her yourself..."

"Because I'm not ready to say it to anyone else, River."

River sank into the couch sulkily, but stayed silent.

"Do... You two carry on like this all the time?", Haylen asked with a smirk.

"It's an adjustment, Haylen", Danse replied calmly.

"I'm glad to hear you're keeping busy, though. And helping people", Haylen assured Danse softly.

He smiled faintly and nodded, before turning to River and urging her to keep telling the story.

"Anyway... It wasn't a terribly difficult sweep. There were only 5 or 6 of them, and the property they had taken up in was fairly small. It was in surprisingly good shape, considering... I wanted to take a close look at it and see if it could be repurposed at some point with a little hard work. The upstairs was relatively untouched, but the first floor was a wreck-and because of that, I almost missed a door that had been covered by a pile of crumbled plaster during the scuffle. A basement. Naturally, I checked it for traps, and we - cautiously - went down the stairs."

River stopped speaking and looked down at Hope, smoothing a tuft of soft brown hair on the baby's head back with a gentle hand. She looked at the little girl like she was hesitant to say anything else. Like she didn't want her to know.

Danse spoke for her.

"The smell was almost more than the usually Mutie meat-room stench. What was worse is that most of it was fresh. They must have just returned from a raid on a Settlement when we came across them. It was just light enough to see the gore drenched around the room, and in the corner... A pile of fresh bodies, waiting to be cut apart."

It was Danse's turn to hesitate, but he continued after a moment's look at Hope. River was still silently caressing the baby's head as she nursed.

"In the very center of the pile there were three bodies huddled together. And when I approached, I could hear something. A very faint voice, calling for help. I carefully moved the corpses away, and... Haylen, I've seen a lot of horrible things. Things done by man and Mutant and more; but this... this was the **_worst_** ", Danse strained in an almost whisper, his face wrenched in a grimace.

"It was a young woman, maybe 18 years old. She was pregnant. She was pregnant, and she had a gash on her chest that exposed part of her ribcage. I don't know how she was still alive. She wasn't for long though."

"She... She was bleeding. Really badly. She knew she wasn't gonna make it. She saw Danse, and then she saw me... And then she saw the knife I had attached to my right leg piece...", River took over, her voice hoarse and raw like she was trying not to cry.

She pulled Hope closer to herself, crossing both arms around the baby's soft little body.

"We tried to get her to talk to us, to tell us what happened. The two women who had huddled around her were her sisters, and the man was her boyfriend. They thought that they could protect her, but... It... _It wasn't enough_..."

" _After a moment all she would do is beg me to cut her baby out of her and run_."

River stopped speaking again, this time unable to keep the emotion out of her voice.

Haylen felt the pain in River's voice. It was unlike her - River that is. At least, it was unlike what she had come to expect of her.

She had forgotten about Shaun. She hadn't heard a whole lot about him, but she had heard that basics. What had been known in the beginning. And seeing River react like this had a flood of forgotten details rush back into Haylen's memory.

She didn't need River to finish the story. She knew what was coming next. But she found herself too horrified and shocked to say anything.

"She died. I was careful", River finished, wiping her eyes.

Danse said nothing, but gave his finger to Hope. Her tiny little hand clenched around the knuckle of his pointer finger with a titan's grip.

She seemed blissfully unaware of the heavy environment that had set around her.

"Oh _G_ _od_...", Haylen managed to speak, finding her voice once again.

"River... Danse... I'm so sorry..."

Haylen's eyes were now locked on the baby. She looked perfectly normal; perfectly content. How could that be? Out of such a trauma?

A pregnant pause filled and stagnated the air, and several minutes went by without a word being said.

Danse was contemplating what to say.

River was trying desperately to regain control of her emotions.

Haylen was processing what she had just been told. She had certainly been caught unprepared, in more than just one way. Hell, from the sound of it-they all had.

Without warning, River suddenly picked back up where she left off with a forced lightness to her tone.

"We padded down the ol' chest-bucket with cloth, wiped her as clean as we could, and Danse carried her while I walked in front of him all the way back to Sanctuary. I would have carried her, but I was jumping at practically everything and that would not have translated well for the baby."

"I figured that that nervous energy would be better utilized if she were to make sure the road ahead was safe. _Shooting_ with a baby on your chest doesn't work all that well either", Danse piped up.

"By the time we got back to town we had already decided that we wouldn't tell them what we're telling you. All they know is that we found a baby orphaned and brought it back with us. I don't know how much they'd already figured though, because... Well, you can see how well I'm handling what happened two weeks after. Imagine what I was like only two hours it went down. I was frantic, screaming for clean water. I nearly shot Sturges because he brought me cold water instead of warm - which I hadn't specified in the first place. I couldn't think clearly... All I could think was "For God's sake's, I need to clean this baby!", River laughed a little at the last part.

"I was just standing there, not really sure what to do. I'd never anticipated something quite like that. River may have been thinking about how to take care of Hope-she's a mother after all - but I couldn't really get beyond "There is a baby in my power armor". I didn't even move. Just stared at Hope. She was remarkably... ugly. Like all newborns. But also... Just _remarkable_. I can't explain it. I looked at Hope and felt something I've never felt before when I looked at any other infant", Danse continued, not taking his eyes off of Hope.

"Hopefully she's the only baby you've ever seen born that way. Uh, no pun intended", Haylen commented.

That elicited a small snort from Danse.

"My thoughts were one-track and repeating, but they changed. "Clean the baby" became "Who is this baby?", and that became "This baby is screaming for her mother". And that... That became "She needs a mother. Give her a mother". I decided then and there that I was going to be that mother. It's surprising how much of 9 months of planning and training for a baby you can forget and suddenly remember in the blink of an eye. The biggest thought at the time was on the matter of feeding her though", River said.

"Yeah... I was wondering...", Haylen admitted.

"That was actually rather impressive. Well, it was _all_ rather impressive, but-", Danse started and stopped himself before beginning the sentence anew.

"River remembered some old wives tale or something she had read about, about old wetnurses having their back's rubbed until their milk came back in a few months after having their own children She figured there must have been some sort of truth to it, and had me do just that for about an hour and a half."

"Luckily for me it worked. I was still nursing Shaun when he was taken from me, and I thought that if we could kickstart _that_ , then I could feed Hope!"

"So", River giggled, "We hotwired my boobs!"

Danse rolled his eyes but smiled and shook his head as Haylen laughed with River. He'd gotten almost used to that kind of humor over the past two weeks.

"Well your choice in names is excellent. I bet her mother wouldn't have had it any other way", Haylen added with a soft fondness in her voice.

"Thank you", Danse replied, surprising Haylen.

"Oh! _You_ named her?"

"Yes. It seemed like the appropriate thing to call her."

Danse had to stave off the urge to add "My little Hope" at the end of that statement. He'd absentmindedly begun to refer to Hope as such within a week of obtaining her. He was on a fast track to becoming what he was becoming for her, and he hadn't even realized it until now. "My". When did Hope become his?

Hope had ceased to drink and began to make small burbling noises, contented with her meal.

River was about to ask Haylen if she'd like to hold the baby while she buttoned her shirt back up, but Danse had fallen into routine and immediately picked up the baby after River held her out slightly.

Well, routine _and_ he wanted to hold her.

He held up to his shoulder and carefully patted her back. Danse was murmuring to Hope very softly, and all Haylen could make out was the indistinguishable movement of his lips and the gentle sound of each ' _pat'_.

Paladin Danse - burping a baby. Today was full of many strange sights indeed.

"I considered bringing her to the Brotherhood, but... Honestly, I don't think that would be the best way for her to grow up. I mean, the Squires seem happy enough, but... There's something deeply unsettling about seeing little kids in a military setting...", River said, making a face.

"Yeah... That's understandable...", Haylen replied.

More awkward silence, though it lacked the nauseous tension from before.

"So. What happens now?", Danse asked flatly.

Haylen looked up at the three of them, her mind racing. She was still confused, but she couldn't pin down the questions she wanted to ask. She was relieved and could feel a huge weight off of her shoulders, but guilt had taken worry's place. The way she spoke to River that night when she showed her Danse's holotags...

She couldn't bring herself to apologize. Not yet.

"I think... I go back to the Prydwen. I make a report. I get you that maternity leave - and I'll make sure that I'm the one who brings you the official OK, so there aren't any more surprises. And I keep my mouth shut about you being here. If anyone asks how just one person is handling a newborn on her own, I'll just tell them the truth; It takes a village. As far as they'll know, everyone in Sanctuary is helping out with Hope. They seem to like you well enough, and from the package I think it's safe to say that they really are doing what they can to make this easiest for you two", Haylen answered him with a smile, standing up and stepping towards Danse on the couch.

She bent over a little and brushed Hope's arm with two fingers, a toothy smile spreading across her lips.

"She really is cute...", Haylen said, looking back up at Danse and River.

"You say that _now_ , but a week ago... It never fails to amaze me how ugly new babies are", Danse joked.

Hope fussed.

"But you're very cute now", Danse assured her.

Haylen straighten up and looked to River.

"Well. River. It was... It was good to see you. I'm glad I found you alive and well", she said, flashing her eyes to Danse and back to River.

The baby squirmed and fussed again, before nestling her face further into Danse's shoulder. Much to Hope's chagrin, Danse adjusted how he was holding her so that she couldn't push her mouth into his shirt - he was trying to burp her after all, and he had learned the hard way that it more often than not involved vomit.

"I can't begin to explain how happy I am to see you Danse. I really am glad that you aren't wasting away. You look... Happy. I mean that. Good luck", Haylen smiled warmly, walking towards the door.

Hope burbled and tried to turn to look at Haylen, her head being too heavy for her to turn on her own however. Danse turned her around in his arms, looking down at her and smiling. He held her hand up, and - without thinking, forgetting who he was and who was in the room - softly said "Say goodbye Hope!" in a voice that Haylen dared to describe to herself as 'a chirp'.

It made Haylen smile all the more.

"Bye Hope. It was nice to meet you! You be good to your mom... And don't give your dad too much trouble."

She turned away as quickly as possible and sped out the door - but Haylen was certain that she saw Danse's face go bright red after she called him that. What better way to get him used to it than to throw him in the deep end? After all, he'd already taken the plunge. Best way to get him to stop thrashing in the water is to get him used to the current.


	3. Some Nerve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haylen reports to Maxson about River, careful not to give anything away about who she's with aside from the baby.  
> But that doesn't stop her from making an outburst about the shitty maternity leave Maxson agrees to give River.

Haylen nervously went over her report in her head one final time before going to face Maxson. She didn't like lying to him; but then, it wasn't really _lying_ , was it? Omitting Danse from the story wouldn't invalidate the fact that Paladin River needed maternity leave after all. She was careful not to show any nervous ticks, but on the inside she still felt static in her stomach.

She knocked on the steel wall next to the open hatchway into the observation deck, letting Elder Maxson know someone was there. She was at attention before he turned all the way around.

"Ah, Scribe Haylen. I assume you've brought me an update as to Paladin River? Did you bring her back as requested?", he asked with an air of disappointment, realizing that the missing Paladin was not simply standing behind the door.

"Yes and no Sir; I've located the Paladin, but I was unable to retrieve her - and with good reason", Haylen replied, keeping her eyes forward and her tone subordinate.

Maxson raised a hand.

"Out with it."

Haylen shifted uncomfortably before glancing at the Elder's face. She hoped he'd taken that as if she were simply unsure of his reaction to her story.

"We-ll, Sir... It would appear that the Paladin has recently come into the guardianship of an orphan. An, ah... baby girl. Named her Hope."

Maxson stood frozen, staring at the nerve-wracked Scribe in disbelief. Paladin River - despite explaining that she is/was a mother - never seemed the maternal type. It wasn't horribly uncommon for Brotherhood soldiers to come across orphans on their missions, and when that happened more often than not they turned them over to the nearest major settlement or to the Brotherhood itself. He hadn't expected River of all people to be one of the ones who took those orphans in as their own. Which is why he assumed that Haylen was - for reasons unknown - making a very strange, very inappropriate joke.

Maxson snorted and choked back a guffaw, a sound that startled and concerned Haylen very much. She thought he had choked on the small glass of whiskey he had been sipping - which would account for why he laughed in the first place. She and the rest of the ship had known Maxson to have a small drink or two in the evening, before he went to his private room for the night, though it was a little earlier than normal for the whiskey to be settling in his stomach enough that he'd _laugh_.

"Scribe Haylen, I know that you were not on best of terms with Paladin River before she disappeared, but making a joke at her expense when she could very well be dead-"

"I'm not joking, Sir!", Haylen protested.

Maxson stopped smiling and his eyes widened, prompting him to step closer to Haylen. She became even more nervous.

"You mean to tell me, that the reason Paladin River is AWOL... Is because _she_ has taken in a child?"

"Actually Sir, Hope isn't simply a child. She's a very new infant, which is why the Paladin is still at home and did not follow me back to the Prydwen. She needs to care for it."

"But... How is she...?"

"Feeding it? Apparently if a woman has-"

Maxson held up his hand to stop the Scribe from explaining it. He didn't really want to know about his Paladin's breasts.

"Please just tell me how she came to be in possession of the infant in the first place?"

"That... Is a pretty terrible story, Sir. Apparently she came across a Super Mutant hive, and when inspecting the premises after destroying them-"

"By _herself_?!"

Haylen shrugged.

"It's Paladin River, Sir. She's done a lot more unthinkable things than kill six muties."

Maxson accepted that explanation, much to Haylen's relief.

"After destroying the Mutants, she heard a call for help. From the bodies she found, it looked like the Mutants had just raided a settlement. There was one survivor, a pregnant woman; but her injuries were too great and she died soon after the Paladin located her. The Paladin stated that the woman had been in a panic in her last moments, and begged for the Paladin to conduct an emergency surgery and take the unborn baby with her. So, after the woman died, the Paladin quickly did just that."

Even Maxson was made gravely quiet by the story, and every soldier within earshot went silent. Haylen was reminded of the far-off look in River's eyes, and the way Danse looked - angry beyond belief, and truly sorrowful. She had recounted the events with as little wavering in her voice as she could muster, and didn't even mention the more gruesome details, but it was still enough to remind everyone nearby exactly _why_ Super Mutants were tied for the place of Enemy Number One.

"I see. I understand her choice, then", Maxson spoke after a short while.

"She had sent someone with a holotape report of the events and an explanation of why she hadn't checked in, but it would appear that they either got hopelessly lost or perished before they could get to the Airport. She sent me back with a request for maternity leave, Sir."

Maxson nodded in agreement before turning away from Haylen.

"I think 4 months is far too long to be without the Paladin... But seeing as she has obeyed her duties without question and performed excellently even in the most difficult of tasks, she has earned every one of those months. See that she is notified... And make sure that she reports for duty when those four months are up", Haylen heard Maxson say from her position behind him.

The suggestion that she only have four months to connect with, feed, and wean Hope gave Haylen a momentary surge of rage. Hadn't River deserved to have the full maternity of six months?! Surely she, more than _anyone_ earned that right! 

"Elder Maxson, if I may be so bold, but the Paladin has been through a serious ordeal. I did not mention the state I found her in, because I thought she would prefer to be reported on in dignity, but the scene of Mutant hive was- When she had detailed the events... Sir, have you ever seen Paladin River cry? Because she _cried_ when describing it. It was more horrific than I let on. She needs at least another month", Haylen blurted, the anger not subsiding until Maxson turned once again to look her in the eye.

"Is that so, Scribe?", he said flatly.

Haylen's blood went cold. 

Maxson looked out the windows of the observation deck, out at the night sky. It was a clear night, and the stars were visible in abundance. Haylen wondered if it was as clear from the Red Rocket she'd left River and Danse and Hope at tonight.

"Very well. Five months."

Haylen still held her breath, waiting for him to add a reprimand or a warning to the leniency he had just show.

"Scribe Haylen? It's good that you are back in Paladin River's good graces, but you should be careful about how much faith you put in her. She might disappoint you some day. You are dismissed", Maxson finally concluded the meeting, coldly hinting at River's disobedience.

She left the Prydwen without delay, eager to get out of there and back to River. She didn't even rest for the night at the Airport after supplying up; she was excited to see her friends again. 

Still, Maxson's comment about River disappointing Haylen - or perhaps, himself - unsettled her to a degree. He had no way of knowing that Danse was still in the Commonwealth... Right? He couldn't know that Haylen had not only seen him, but conversed with him. She hadn't acted suspiciously, or so she thought. Still, she looked over her shoulder all the way to Sanctuary, and was not satisfied that she was alone until she finally reached the Red Rocket. 

And this time, there was no hesitation in her when she approached the front door of that shack on stilts.


	4. When Does Dad Come Home?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haylen arrives back at the Red Rocket, to find that Danse is in town. So, she and River have a chat themselves.  
> Slow chapter, mostly just dialogue and friendship.

Danse wasn't home this time - but Dogmeat, River, and Hope were. When River opened the door Dogmeat leapt out at Haylen, knocking her down and licking her face.

"Dogmeat! Down! Augh, I'm sorry Haylen, he's been pretty excitable lately", River shouted, bouncing a cooing Hope up and down on her arm.

Haylen laughed as she pushed Dogmeat off of herself.

"No no, it's fine!", Haylen wheezed, sitting up and rubbing Dogmeat's face.

Hope shrieked and reached out for Dogmeat, drawing Haylen's attention to her.

She grinned at the baby, prompting Hope to smile back.

" _She's_ certainly a happy one!", Haylen said delightedly as she picked herself up off the ground.

"She loves Dogmeat. At first I was a little worried having a big dog like him around a tiny baby but... He's decided she's his puppy or something. It's actually a relief to have Dogmeat curled up by Hope's crib every night."

"I'm sure it would be. I can't see him hurting _anyone_ though; he's such a sweet dog!"

"He's a dog unlike any other. He knows who to protect, and who to attack. He's pretty taken to _you_ , Haylen."

Dogmeat jumped around Haylen's feet, wagging his tail and nudging her hand with his nose trying to get her to pet him again.

"Oh, yes. Very vicious", Haylen mocked.

River stuck out her tongue and laughed.

It was good to talk to Haylen like a friend again. She'd missed this kind of companionship. Sure, for the most part she was a private person, mainly spending her time with Danse before the confrontation – and even moreso after. But what Haylen had done for them... River couldn't help but feel closer to her.

"So... About the maternity leave?", River asked tentatively.

"I couldn't get you the whole 6 months. I managed to get you five though!", Haylen grinned.

"How?! I would have figured Maxson would've shaved it down to four!"

"I uh... I kind of insisted on it. I actually yelled at him. Well, not _yelled_ but I definitely spoke louder than I should have. I'm surprised I got away with it, actually."

River chuckled.

"Well, well, well... I never would have thought you to be the type, Haylen. Thank you for this; for standing up for me. It means a lot that you'd do this for us after what I put you through..."

" _Oh!_ River, _no!_ **I** should be the one apologizing! I mean, the things I said to you after I thought you killed Danse... It was pretty messed up", Haylen tried to assure her.

"Hey, you couldn't have known! And besides; I should have _told_ you. Of all people, you were and are the most likely to keep this secret safe. Besides, you and Danse were close...", River replied, trailing off at the end.

She looked a little embarrassed, and it only took it a second to click in Haylen's mind.

" _Wait_... Did he tell you about what happened when we first got here?!", Haylen squeaked, her face flashing red.

River smiled knowingly.

"Nothing negative was said. He was worried about you. That made _me_ worry about _him_.", River said trying to soothe the embarrassed Haylen.

"Oh, gosh, River; I wasn't trying to do anything, just so you know! It was just-"

" _Haylen, relax_! The thought had crossed my mind, but with everything you've been through with Rhys, I dismissed it almost immediately! And besides; I wasn't around at that point, and it took me a damn long time to get to this point with Danse. You know how you said that for Rhys, the Brotherhood was the only thing for him? Well, in case you haven't noticed, that's how _all_ of these damn men are! I mean; seriously, I thought that I had worked my way into his mind a little bit before everything happened, but it was impossible to tell. And then _after_ shit went down, I went all school-girly and... _Augh_ I told him I _loved_ him. It was... awkward. But oh man; you should have seen his face! Bright red! Eyes so wide I could see the blood vessels! It was _adorable_!", River replied almost equally as abruptly.

When you've made a friend out of someone quickly, often times you don't wait and engage in patient conversation; you blurt out everything you're thinking as soon as you think it because you're so excited to meet someone like-minded; and they were definitely having one of these moments. Though they had been friends before, it never felt like a real friendship. Superficial, almost. But now...

Haylen took a moment to imagine Paladin Danse blushing in what was most likely pleasant shock, and burst into laughter.

" _Right_?! I was too embarrassed for myself to really appreciate how _weird_ it was to see him like that, but now it's all I can do to not bust a gut laughing every time we've had a few drinks!", River giggled along.

"Why are you telling me this?", Haylen asked in between gasps as she slowly stopped laughing.

"Well, Danse told me something that you think is embarrassing about you, so I think it's only fair that you know a few things that he'd find embarrassing."

Haylen was truly touched that River would think of something like that to make her more comfortable.

"You know what? Do you want to stay for dinner? I'm making beef stew, nothing special; but Danse will be there and you could catch up with him... Catch up with _us_."

Haylen knew it would probably be best if she left as soon as possible. She ought to report back in with Maxson to confirm that River received notice of her leave. She ought to... But this was way too tempting. Besides, she wanted to know exactly how good of a cook someone as intimidating as River could possibly be.

"I'd like that River. I'd really like that."

River smiled.

"Ah... Do you want to come in, or do you want to wander over to town? Danse will be back in about... 15 minutes, I think. Like I said last time you were here, Hope doesn't like it when he's gone for much more than an hour, so when he goes to town he doesn't stay for long", River explained.

She looked down at Hope and bounced her up and down a little.

"Somebody's got her daddy wrapped around her little finger!", River cooed.

Haylen had to admit, she was a sucker for babies herself - and baby _talk_ made it even harder to resist the automatic charm of an infant.

"Is he finally comfortable? With the 'd' word?"

"Oh _God_ no. Still, I'm slowly but surely building up his tolerance of it. Besides, even he uses it when he's just talking to Hope! I'm her mom; I wanna call him her dad too! I mean... We're not _that_ far along in a relationship... Hell, we only _just_ got to the point where _he_ admits it's one. But that doesn't mean he's any less Hope's dad."

"It's not hard to tell that he loves her. It's almost like he doesn't realize it himself, though...", Haylen added.

"Do you think? It _could_ explain why he's so squeamish when someone says it. Sturges once said "How's your little girl?" to him when he came in to help fix a wall and Danse damn near broke it with a hammer he caught him so by surprise."

River let Haylen go inside the house first, following after her and leaving Dogmeat outside.

Haylen hadn't gotten a good look at the place the first time she was there since she was somewhat distracted by the dead walking, and was surprised to find that the shack that had looked like an ordinary Commonwealth home on the outside but was fairly well put-together on the inside.

The walls and floors were carefully constructed, any gaps in the wood were covered by mosquito netting or a picture or rug depending on where it was. A couch or an armchair here, a table or shelf there; a radio sitting on top of the coffee table, all of the downstairs rooms being well lit and comfortable. True to her roots, River had decorated the house as best she could with her pre-war sense of style and the post-war furniture available.

Haylen stopped almost as soon as she entered the house, waiting for River to direct her where to go.

"Come on, I need to change Hope before I start on dinner anyway", River said, gesturing for Haylen to follow her upstairs with her head.

The upstairs was just as homey, consisting of two rooms aside from the landing; Danse and River's, and Hope's. Hope's was small, and much to Haylen's surprise it looked like the crib wasn't some pre-war plastic leftover piece - it had been handmade. The mattress and sheets were clearly made from larger pieces, but had been cleaned fairly well. Only a few dark, lingering stains from years of use remained on the floral linens. Against the wall sat a fat old armchair and a dresser that had been painted white and had crude rabbits painted in pink and green on it.

"I see you've noticed that the nursery isn't your standard. It's easy enough to make a bassinet, and there was plenty of extra wood laying around... Besides I didn't want Hope laying in something that could break at any given moment. Could you hand me a diaper? They're in the second drawer to the top", River asked Haylen without giving it a second thought.

"Uh, yeah sure. You seriously made all this by _yourself_?!", Haylen asked, impressed by River's ingenuity.

River thought for a moment as she lay Hope down and cleaned her up.

"Well.. I mean... Danse and one of the people from Sanctuary - Marcy actually - helped a lot. But I was the one who painted the rabbits on the dresser!", River smirked.

"Oh. River?"

"Yeah?"

"You really suck at painting rabbits."

"I've been told. Several times."

"I bet."

The sarcastic exchange took a sudden turn, and the two began to laugh heartily. Hope simply lay on her back and squealed with delight.

" _Ohhh_... Christ, I haven't laughed this much in _months_!", River wheezed, waiting for herself to calm down before she tried to pin Hope's diaper.

"I know the feeling!", Haylen agreed with a grin.

River picked up the baby and held her up and out in front of her.

"There! All clean and fresh!", River told the baby, pulling her in for a hug.

She looked at Haylen, who was looking fondly at the pair, and got an idea.

"Haylen... Do you want to hold Hope for awhile? I want to get started on dinner anyway, and I can't hold a baby and cook."

"Oh my God, yes! Hand her here!", Haylen answered excitedly, holding out her hands to take Hope.

Like most babies, Hope was a little furnace. Haylen could feel how warm she was even through her uniform, and in the autumn weather it was nice to have a personal hand warmer.

Then it hit her; this little girl had made River a happy, almost well-adjusted person. She had apparently given Danse the drive and determination to keep moving ahead and keep growing as a person. And she, Haylen, had helped them all. She hadn't realized it yet, but she was apart of Hope's life too. Maybe even apart of her family.


	5. Just Sayin'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Danse finally arrives home to find Haylen and River waiting for him - along with both good and bad news.

Danse was a little later than usual, and by the time he got home he could already smell dinner - and hear loud laughter and chatter. He hadn't thought that anyone was going to be visiting River that day. No one in town had mentioned going to see her, or going to drop off or trade supplies. So who could it be? River occasionally invited trade caravan's in to eat a meal or rest for a little while - something that she preferred to keep a secret, lest someone discover she isn't as harsh as she acts; perhaps that was it. But then, he only heard two voices.

He listened closer - River's brusk yet feminine voice, and another woman's... A little younger than River and himself, and lighter too... Very familiar...

Haylen! Haylen had returned - by herself thankfully!

He was excited to see his old friend again, even though he'd seen her only a week ago - but so little had been said. She was only able to stay for a little while last time.

It had been a good day already; despite his best efforts, helping Sanctuary and it's inhabitants grow their town into a relatively secure trading post had filled  _most_  of the hole in his heart he was left with when he was forced from the Brotherhood. He had thought that helping people the way he was  _now_ wouldn't be as fulfilling as fighting against the evils of the Institute - but at the end of each exhausting day, after farming and building and settling disputes with others, it made him feel exactly as useful as being a soldier and twice as clean blood-wise. The parts that weren't made whole by honest work and being looked upon as a leader, were filled by River and Hope - the loves of his life, both at opposite ends of the spectrum. He fell for them  _both_ so quickly that he didn't even realize it until he awoke in the middle of the night with one arm wrapped around River and the other holding Hope in place between them. He was still half-asleep - it was late at night after all - and he sleepily looked around himself to see what could have woken him up. He registered " _family_ " before he registered  _either_  sleeping form independently as " _Hope_ " or " _River_ ".

And yet, through all these changes in his life, for the second time in his life he felt niggling anxiety squirming in his stomach whenever he dwelt too long on how  _fast_ everything was going. Perhaps he  _wasn't_ actually content or happy. Perhaps this was just a temporary feeling. After all, he gave his whole adult life - or what he  _thought_ was his whole adult life - to the Brotherhood, and they turned their back on him? They had only spared his life because River risked her own for him. The Brotherhood was an enormous, important part of his identity. He'd thought that the pain and isolation he'd felt as he waited for River to return to his hideout would last until the end of his days, yet here he was scarcely a year later, with more of a soft glowing feeling in his chest than the dull and faded ache he now only felt when he remembered Maxson's betrayal. He had come to the conclusion that even if this  _was_ only a temporary feeling, it was wonderful.

Danse walked quickly to the house, smiling softly to himself. He was just about to push open the door when he heard Hope start to wail, and Haylen and River try to soothe her with hushed words. He could see through the screen door that River had picked up Hope from Haylen's arms, and began to gently bounce up and down with her to no avail. Without another thought, he entered his home and went to his daughter. Hope saw him before Haylen and River, and she began to cry even louder, wobbling her little arm in the air in his direction before finally being plucked from River and held to Danse's chest, his usually gruff and firm voice now melting away to calm Hope with a comforting murmur.

River's shoulders relaxed and she breathed a sigh of relief, smiling.

"Oh good, you're home! I'm amazed she stayed as quiet as she did for so long - it's been almost three hours since she saw you last", River said with a note of pride in her voice.

"Oh my God does this mean she'll start sleeping through the night soon?", Danse replied a little too quickly.

Haylen let out an amused huff, and Danse remembered why he had begun to rush home in the first place.

"Haylen", he said pleasantly.

"Danse!", Haylen greeted him right back.

"How did it go?"

"It went okay, I guess. I didn't get you guys a whole lot of time, though..."

"She got me 5 months. That's about, oh,  _four_ months more than we were guessing I'd get", River added, rolling her eyes as she walked back to the stove.

"Really? Thank you Haylen. That'll make 5 months of a difference to us", Danse told Haylen with surprise.

"Jesus, I hope so. I think I might've gotten into a little bit of hot water getting you that time."

"What? Why?"

"She thinks she pissed off Maxson by telling him I needed more than 4 months."

"It's not just that! He said something weird before he dismissed me."

River stopped stirring the pot and looked up at Haylen.

"You should be careful about how much faith you put into her. She might disappoint you someday" - That's what he said. Wonder what he meant by that."

River furrowed her brow.

"Oh. Oh- okay", she acknowledged quietly.

She went silent, contemplating what that meant for her future.

"Hmm. I figured he would have problems trusting me, but I  _thought_ we had cleared all of that  _up_ already."

As Haylen and River discussed it, neither women noticed Danse shift on his feet and look down. He hadn't even thought about the problems that defending him might have caused River later on; but then, deep down he knew she wouldn't care about that either.

That didn't make that embarrassment go away, or stop kicking himself about it. He considered apologizing - he'd felt the need to do that a  _lot_ these days - and stopped himself. River had told him time and time again that he didn't need to apologize, and it would only make her feel bad if he did it again -  _especially_ in front of Haylen.

* * *

Haylen sat comfortably at their dinner table as Danse held Hope on his knee at one of the elongated ends, and River ladled piping hot stew into the bowls set before them before setting the pot back on the stove and filling a bowl of her own before taking her place across the table from Hayden.

"Hand her here, Dea- Danse. It's dinnertime for Hope, too", River instructed Danse, outstretching her arms.

Reluctantly, Danse gave Hope over to River.

River smoothed Hope's hair down and smiled at her. Despite the evidently troubling news she'd just received, she refused to look at her baby without proving to her that she was okay. Or maybe Hope looking at her made a smile come over her face.

Haylen watched the little family with a nervous, awkward smile. She'd figured that she'd be the bearer of displeasing news, but hadn't accounted for her stomach tying itself in a knot like ribbon. Even though she herself hadn't been the one to cause that particular grey cloud over their heads, she did feel that she'd helped it along.

"He's wrong you know. Maxson", she said quietly, barely whispering it in fear of her gear - which was piled in a corner - being bugged.

Danse looked over at Haylen in surprise, then remembered where he was and what had been done to get him there. His surprise dimmed to a slight incredulousness, and unable to stop the ball of mixed emotions that burned like fire in his throat every time Maxson was mentioned.

"And how did you find that out?", he said nonchalantly, quickly taking a bite of stew.

Haylen blushed in shame, but River glared at him. He could feel her eyes boring a hole into his skull, but the chaotic feelings inside him made him meet her gaze with a steely-cold one of his own. Had he not, River would have slapped him on the back of his head; but he'd made it very very clear to her that he was in no state of mind to entertain notions that Maxson is as perfect a leader as he'd thought before.

River's eyes softened. Her heart broke every time she saw him like this; angry, hurt, both self-loathing and self-absorbed... Afraid... She understood how he felt better than anyone in the Commonwealth ever could.

"It's alright Haylen. We don't tend to talk about Maxson here is all. I'm glad that you aren't blinded by his zeal, charm, and looks", said River.

"No that's okay. To be truthful...  _completely_ truthful... I used to be. But around the time  _you_  went missing", she gestured to Danse,"I began to realize that he's not the most stable or sane leader", Haylen admitted, fumbling with her hands.

"That's a good - yet dangerous - revelation to have. Do you think he suspects?"

"I'm not sure. He seems to be trying to make me hate you. I can understand him propagandizing against Danse, but... He made  _you_ a Sentinel, River. Why would he want me to distrust the second highest ranked officer in the Commonwealth?"

Danse listened intently, his hands clasped in front of his mouth as he considered each avenue of possibility. He wondered if Maxson was talking about River in a such a manner to anyone else?

"I doubt we'll be able to do much more than theorize until I'm back in service. If we let ourselves work up too much, we'll start coming up with and convincing ourselves of conspiracy theories. Let's try not to let our imaginations fool us, okay?", River said shaking the red curls on her head, a few locks spilling out of the loose bun she'd tied up with a hairband.

Haylen stared at her in shock - and, both surprisingly and  _un_ surprisingly, Danse turned to look at her in shock, his eyes wide and his brows furrowed in an expression that seemed to be both disgusted and betrayed.

"Really River? You're defending him? Even though he's acting so suspiciously? Even though you know what he's done?", he started, quiet and cold.

"I don't mean it quite the way it came out, Danse-", River began, seeing her error.

"And what way  _did_ you mean it then?"

"I just mean that we can't run halfcocked at a man who quite possibly killed a woman he supposedly was in love with to gain her position as Elder and betrayed the  _man_ he supposedly loved because it was suddenly known that he's - unknowingly - part of the group of people he's advocating genocide for!", River said, a little too loudly and a little too forcefully, prompting Hope to fuss.

Up until this moment, Haylen had figured River and Danse to be a perfect couple, and for Hope to be a doll rather than a real baby since she made such little noise. But now she realized that though they had faced such severe, horrific trials to get where they were as a family, they were still a normal young family. She compared it to a couple she'd known back in the Capital; civilians who worked for a produce caravan twice a year, and as farmers the rest of it. They were the same age as Haylen was, and they were like something out of a pre-war poem about young-adulthood. They seemed more like close friends than lovers, but they must have been more than "just friends" because the girl wound up pregnant and the boy assured everyone it was his, and that it could only be his - which made a lot of sense because there weren't many other folks that were able to impregnate her. They used to fight just like this; they were forced into the situation far too soon in their lives - and, as more relevant comparison, too soon in their relationship.

River and Danse weren't exactly  _young_ adults though. She knew that Danse was roughly in his mid-thirties, and River had said she was 31 a year beforehand. She'd always associated being middleaged with having a handle on their relationships and careers, yet here as plain as day were these two adults who were so caught up in an argument they forgot that they had company.

Haylen cleared her throat.

Danse continued to stare at River, though his eyes seemed to soften, and tried to soothe Hope while River looked down in embarrassment.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have gone that far. I just... I don't want him coming after us. After  _you_. I want you to be safe, and from what I've seen of Maxson knowing that you take care of so many people,  _including_ a baby, wouldn't stop him from doing something awful if he felt like it. I can't take having my family taken away from me again", River said with so heavy a tone that her shoulders slumped down with defeat.

"River... I'm trying to understand. You don't want harm to come to us, but you see me as someone who needs protecting and not someone who can protect himself - and that  _bothers_ me", Danse said with a sigh.

"Danse, I don't think that's quite what she means", Haylen piped up, to both Danse and River's surprise.

"Look, River? Danse was a  _paladin_. Push comes to shove, I guarantee he can wipe the floor with  _anyone_ Maxson might send, Maxson himself included. He doesn't need you to protect him physically, but you need to help him through the thick of this  _gently_. And Danse? Go easy on River. This is the first time she's taken a chance emotionally - pardon me for saying so River - since her husband died and her son became you-know-who of you-know-what. Hell, she's got to balance checking in on little Shaun with her duties as a Sentinel  _and_ being here for you and Hope. So she's stretched a little thin. I'm willing to bet that she's tired because of it, and i'm even  _more_ willing to bet that she can't sort through what to feel emotionally and what to feel logically. So yeah; go easy on her. Both of you, go easy on each other."

The room fell quiet, nothing but the sounds of night creeping through the windows as Haylen waited with baited breath for them to respond.

"What are you, the unnoffical therapist of the Brotherhood?", River asked, cracking a smile.

"Ha. I might as well be at this point", Haylen replied, blushing.

"Look, I'm not claiming high ground here - Lord knows I've got plenty of issues myself - but I know you both, and I've seen enough bullshit go down between people who care about each other to know what you mean vs what you do. Trust me on this."

River looked at Danse out of the corner of her eye through the thick curly auburn hair that spilled from the sides of her head with a faint, youthful smile, as if she were assuring him that everything was okay. Though Danse didn't return it with one of his own, he nodded his head slightly, processing the information and finding that it made sense.

"For now, just lay low with the Elder, okay? If the time comes, we'll all figure something out. Together", Haylen continued.

Danse covered River's hand on the table with his own, and Haylen beamed at them.

"Oh - River, one more thing", Haylen added.

"Yeah?"

"You uh... You need to practice your cooking."

Danse snorted, and finally smiled back.

* * *

Haylen didn't know what time it was - only that it was very late or very early. She lay on the rightmost bed in the spare room of Danse and River's house, up the stairs and down the hall past Hope's nursery, staring up at the ceiling through the floorboards of the third floor. It was a chillier night than expected, and she pulled the blankets off the other two beds and wrapped herself in them all up to and around her head. Though she had the option to sleep in her uniform - as she'd done many,  _many_ nights in the field - River had lent her a nightdress and a sweater. It felt good to be sleeping in civilian garb again, she mused. There was a cracked mirror in the corner, next to a cabinet, and she'd spent several minutes looking at herself in it. She'd forgotten what she'd looked like in a dress. Hell, she'd forgotten her own haircolor, or how long it was. She'd always kept it short, ever since she was a child, but with the excitement of the last few months, she'd forgotten to get it cut. It come down almost to her shoulders now, a tawny golden-brown that she'd always hated. But now, she couldn't help but think it suited her complexion. She thought that  _she_ suited  _herself_.

She'd never been one to be confident in her appearance. Sure, she'd never been overly fat or buff or thin, but she never thought herself pretty. Except for now. She turned her head side to side and memorized every dip and curve along her face, thinking how she'd grown since the last time she'd seen her reflection. Through the nightgown she wore - a fleece affair, plain and without decoration except for the pattern of faded blue flowers - she could see that she was tanned and toned, all lean muscle; even the scars and callouses she bore seemed to accentuate herself. There was one thing that confused her, though. One thing that though she knew about deep down, formed buzzing stars in her head that she could not see through.

An ever-so-slight bump on her abdomen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the enormous hiatus, schoolwork got the best of me. Hopefully it won't take for-fuckin-ever to churn out chapters from now on.


End file.
